My friend Kristen, over at http://midnightcry.wordpress.com, is once again sharing her journey through a topic that touches my soul, and kicks my mind into high gear.

You can read the introduction here – http://midnightcry.wordpress.com/2009/11/03/loneliness/

And the most recent update here – http://midnightcry.wordpress.com/2009/11/17/loneliness-from-the-beginning/

In the way my mind wanders as I read I sometimes find myself mentally in a completely different galaxy by the end of a text, than the author intended me to be. So if you will allow me, I am going to lament on Loneliness a while longer here today, and share some of the revelations that come along with that. If we would all be so blessed as to hear God speaking to us on this matter I encourage you to share either here or on the Midnightcry blog.

The Wilderness is something that constantly lives in my mind. I ponder the years I have spent living in the wild. How God was amazing enough to allow me to experience that for all the good, the bad and the ugly that could be found there. I believe those were necessary years in my life, as those were the years that took me from dust, added enough moisture to turn me into clay and began to form me into the creation that will leave its memory on this earth.

Sometimes I would take the reins and add a little moisture on my own and be turned into a sticky puddle of mud on the floor, or stand in the sun for too long, only to find that I had turned to dust and blown down the road in the wind. Sometimes I would even jump directly into the fire and start to form that hard outer shell. God has always taken me back out of the fire and lovingly turned me back to dust and added just the right amount of moisture again.

I tell that little story like I have reached the end of the wilderness, but that’s not the case, and that’s where the revelation comes in. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will screw up again. Somewhere, Sometime I will do it, and I will do it in a big way. Even as I try to walk with God, I will hose it up somehow. So that means, I am not really out of the wilderness. I bet I am not even as close to the edge, as I imagine myself to be. In reality, when looking at the breath and the width of mans ability to walk with God, I am guessing that all I have done is reduced the leaves in the canopy of my own personal wilderness by about tenth of a percent. 

I feel like I am panting this in a negative light, and maybe that’s a good thing, but that’s not the point I am trying to get to here. What I really want to say is there are times in life where we need to shed those earthly relationships and be truly, physically alone, because those are the times when we finally can come to know ourselves. To know who we really truly are, and to know God in the way that he longs to know us.

Natives call it a Vision Quest. I call it the Wilderness. You can call it whatever you want, but the fact is that’s It’s like a city dweller standing on the outside looking at Sherwood Forest. It’s a darn scary place, until you muster the courage to step across that border and venture into uncharted territory. And there is always the chance you won’t like what you find when you get there, which I think is what holds most people back in the first place. The second time is a little better, but still very hard. Each time after gets a little easer, until it becomes a place of refuge, and eventually a place if intimacy with God.

Now, please don’t misunderstand me, this wilderness isn’t the same as that of the lost years, but more of a place that is separated from earthly desires and distractions. It’s not our permanent dwelling place on earth, but a place of safety, a place of understanding and intimacy.

I encourage you to seek this place out sometime soon.

How?

Well, one way that works for me is taking a fishing pole and tackle box out and sitting on the shore for a few hours, alone. No ipod, no phone, no books, no distractions.

Pastor Steve does it with a tent, some water and a bible.

You have to find your own way, but the idea is stop feeding and let it start to work on its own for a while.

Maybe this will make sense to someone

God Bless

Ok, so I have been thinking about this for a while and want to try and organize my thoughts into a logical manner. I hope this blog can do that.
 
                I am back in school again, and have been amazed at the way they treat the students. I mean, really where else can you go, and someone several thousands of dollars and be treated the way students are treated. And amazingly enough they don’t even feel a need to justify their behavior, that’s just the way it is.
                Now, granted most of the students are there for a reason, and an education is a partnership that requires effort from both parties to be successful. But really the school is offering a service, and if the fail to provide that service in a manner that is satisfactory to the student, what is the school going to do about it? They will do nothing, as far as I know.
I almost laughed out loud in class today when I heard the teacher rattling off statics on how much time you will spend doing specific things in your adult life. She basically said you are going to spend about 39 years of your life doing 3 things. 8 years watching TV, 15 years sleeping and 16 years working. And her follow up to that was “So you better pick something you like”.
It was such a factory mentality that it really did make me want to laugh.  By factory attitude I mean that it’s being fed to these kids that their life is going to consist of getting up, going to work the required time, go home spend a few moments with your family, and then watch TV to feed our minds with the idea of I need to have more stuff (which plays into more work) and then go to sleep, and that’s your life till you die. Support that man and his desires with the sweat of you back, and the blood of your skin, don’t dream of a better life, do educate yourself in a manner that might elevate you above your allotted position in life.
It’s no wonder our nation is falling apart 99.9% of our population is taught they are incapable of truly attaining the real dreams of their hearts. Not the dreams of 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence, with a TV and a Job, but rather of a person truly capable of changing the world through their actions. By finding things they truly care for, and being allowed to pursue those dreams with the full ability of their heart mind and soul.
Yes the educators will tell you that is not the case, that you can go where ever you want. But their actions in the classroom they teach you to be a good employee, not a person who is capable of thinking outside of the box and being original and creative.
At this point this is just an observation, but I intend to keep this in mind as classes continue, and will continue to post on this topic.

So, I have had kind of a bur under my saddle for the last few days. I came to realize I miss my blog.
So, with no further a due… Nothing really new, just an update and a statement of my intentions, right here for the world do see.

An update
Well, it’s been a few months since I have been here, so what’s new?
Um, we have another Baby on the way. She is due to arrive mid to late January. We are taking a new approach this time, by switching hospitals, and also making the leap to a midwife rather than a traditional doctor. To this point it’s been a very good change, and we are so excited to welcome a new little life into this world that we can hardly wait.
I have always been proud of my kids names, so I want to share a little about each of them with you.
Jade Robert – Is my strong man. He has, since the day he was born, seemed to have a wisdom about him that is hard to put into word. His name “Precious stone” of “bright fame”
Jordan Lee Lucile – The Wild Flower, her heart is meant to be free. Her name means “Descend into a Meadow of light.”
Zander William – The care taker. Zander’s heart seems to be tied into caring for others. Within days of finding out he would again become a brother I had an image in my mind of Zander as a young man, standing bold, arms crossed In front of two beautiful sisters, each with a smile on their faces, knowing that they are safe. His name means Defender of man, will protect.
Zoe Apphia – Full of life and joy, at this tender stage in her life she brings light and joy to each room she enters. Her name means Life Increasing.
And the new baby, we know she is a she, and we have a name in mind, but you won’t get to hear about it here. I can tell you her name will stand for revolution, and victory
4 times in my life God has blessed me with a new name, soon to be a 5th. I joke around that on the white stone I will find the name Wulf, but my filled with joy, and my eyes with tears If I would see manes written in the stone like Jade’s Dad, Jordan’s dad, Zander’s Dad, Zoe’s Dad, and the new baby’s dad. Those are names of honor that I hold close to my heart, even in my dreams.

Ok, what else is new? Well, I am back in school. Attending classes at STI, working towards a Network Admin degree, and really enjoying the energy that is bringing to my life.
Started a new Job back in Feb. of this year. It’s a great gig, I love the work and people I am around now.
Outside of all that I think I have become a preper.
I am also involved with Zander’s scouting adventures
As well as all the good old stuff with sound, trying to play guitar and so on.
That’s me in two pages or less, right now.

Just started reading Genesis again and the thought hit me, why did God need to rest on the 7th day? It’s kind of one of those “Duh” moments, but obviously because he had worked hard at this whole creation thing for the last 6 days.
I think this stands out to me a little but because we seem to think that simply makes things a reality, by a thought or a spoke word it’s just done. This verse tells another story, that after 6 days he was exhausted and needed a day to rest and recover, weather that is physically or mentally it does not say. I also have no doubt that God could have carried on from that day till this one without stopping, but that’s not the story we are given.

What are your thoughts?

If I were a Democrat, this would be my plan.

I want to see all guns, of every type, banned because that way the bad guys and the republicans won’t have them.

Which is ok because guns are not needed to defend anything; like the land I live on, the faith I choose to, or not to practice in, the flag,  my children, or even my right to vote to ban guns.

And even if some bad guy does my chance get his hands on a gun, by going around the law, and is holding it to my daughters head as he rapes her, it’s ok because the government will take care of her. Free medical for all the damage done right, oh unless she is old, or crippled, or the doctors are too busy, or she already reached her quota of medical coverage for the year.

Glad I am not a Democrat…

This summer seems to have set me into a drift pattern around things that are of God. I am on the edges, but seem to be having a hard time engaging. Last fall and spring some of the people who were examples to me in their walk have suffered some hurts and chosen to take another path. As a part of that the brotherhood I felt with these men seems to be have cut off. For the last several months I have tried to say there was no hurt in that, but I was wrong. I do feel hurt and keeping that in a bottle seems to have driven somewhat of a wedge in between God and myself.

I know it’s there; I can see it but am not quite sure what to do about it from there. I am praying more, am readying more and trying to surround myself with a Godly environment, but still feel lifeless if you know what I mean.

Anyone else ever felt this way?

I have about a million things I want to dig into bouncing around in my head. There are so many that I can’t to seem to put together a single blog post with only one subject. So guess what, I am going to brain storm for you, right here in the “Never Blog”. Maybe if I can get a list I will have something to focus on, and try and get this ball rolling again, so here goes.

The Devils lies – How does the Devil convince is that the things we have to say are not things others want to hear?

God’s blessing on a marriage – Is every marriage blessed by God, or do some fall outside of his blessing and are destined to fail? I often think about my first marriage and how we lived. I can’t see how it was destined to ever succeed. We had a time together and two beautiful children came forth, but as for myself, I don’t think I really had a clue what it meant to love someone. India – Missions Debt, and getting out of it

Being a Dad – I feel like two dads. One Dad to my older two kids who live apart from me, and another for my younger kids who are at home.

Preping

Guns and shooting

Survival

Ribs and smoking them

Making a carrier change

13

Bible prophesy

Ok, maybe you all could help me out a little. Leave a comment on what you might like to hear about.

Let me start out by saying I am neither politician or politically driven, the thought of either one leaves a horrid taste in my mouth.

I heard the old saying today “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness, and started thinking about that.

Now, I have to assume that when the Declaration, while being penned by Thomas Jefferson, every word was carefully weighed and measured. That he wrote, and re-wrote, adjusted and modified each word and sentence for maximum meaning and effect. On top of that it was reviewed and edited thereafter, until the perfect phrasing of the Declaration of the Independence of the United States of America was reached. To that end, I give you the entire sentence that contains, the so often quoted “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are  endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Of course I present this to you for a reason. I want to break down these words to try and more deeply understand the authors meaning. These are my personal observations, nothing more.

We hold these truths to be self-evident – Simply stated; Jefferson was saying that it should be obvious that there are things in this world that are True, no matter what. That there are a few things in life that are truly Black and White, and no matter how someone might twist them, you can always fall back on that knowledge.

that all men are created equal – The Color of my skin, my sex, my age – everything that I was given at the time I was given life is mine, and is the basis of who I am, but that does not place me above or below any other human on this planet. The choices I make from that moment on are done by my free will and will determine who I become in life. This was a statement that not even the signers fully understood, but would later lead to a war, which in the end would allow black men and women to walk freely on this land. The same statement would hold true for women’s right to vote. The statements, which to this day, is not fully understood.

that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights – The fact that the writer acknowledges a creator in this statement tells me that he/they understood that what we have, all that we are, was given by a grater being. That Creator, later named as God, endowed each and every one of us specific undeniable rights. Things that man was given the physical ability, but not the right to take away.

that among these are – This just says that they are only part of the Unalienable Rights, there are more, but these are fundamental to the foundation of our Nation.

Life – First on the List is Life, that is particularly important in the fact that it was placed above all other unalienable rights. The right to life is first and foremost on the minds of the founding fathers. Undeniably they recognized the fact that, without the right to life all other rights have no meaning what so ever.

Liberty – Freedom, this is another basic right to every beating heart brought into this world. None should ever be oppressed, or restricted from forming their own belief systems, weather that be based on the teachings of others, or from one’s own self study

and the pursuit of Happiness – I find it interesting that the words “Pursuit of” were added here. We are not guaranteed Happiness, just that we can chase it to our hearts content. Also placement matters here. We are invited, as Americans to chase our dreams, so long as it’s not at the cost of Life or Liberty.

Three things listed, not a big list, but one that appears to be very confusing for many people. Primarily the ones to believe they have the right to be happy no matter the cost to those around them, or those who place their idea of personal happiness above others unalienable right to life of others.

In all things done on a governmental level we need to consider these things first.

Does it affect life? Not the quality of life, but life itself. Does it cause a heart to stop beating? If the answer is yes then it should not be dropped. If the answer is no then we consider the fact of if it restricts our Liberty, and the same, of the answer is no, then we weigh the idea of it, whatever it may be, restricting us from perusing Happiness.

God Bless you today, and every day.

Driving down an old dusty gravel road in a beat up pickup truck, I look out the driver side window to see two trees that seem to have grown together a few feet above the ground. Between the two trees is a door, attached to the trees themselves, as if they were grown to be the frame. As I was traveling quit fast down the road, I had to slam on my breaks and skidded for some distance before coming to a stop. I put the Pickup in reverse and backed up to the tree, parked and got out. I had to see what was on the other side of the door.

As I approached the tree I noticed a hole in the base of the tree on the left. As if a very large root had grown above ground and then been cut off to reveal a hollow tunnel into the tree. Large enough for a full grown man, like myself, to comfortably crawl into on all fours. I thought to myself “that’s a badger hole, better stay away” but found myself continuing to look inside of a second longer. At that same instant a badger came rolling around a bend in the tunnel. He was all rolled up like an armadillo or Sonic the Hedgehog, and really truly rolling at me, very fast, yet somehow I had time to run back to the truck and grab a bed pillow out of the back and run back to the tree. In that time the tunnel entrance had changed shape to more of a slit, a few inches wide and about two and a half feet tall. All though it did not appear so, I knew the badger could still fit through the hole, so I tried to block it up with the bed pillow. I thought to myself “that’s dumb, it’s a pillow that badger will just tear right through it”. But he didn’t, he instead was able to get his head and one arm through the gap above the pillow and he was MAD.  I was freaking out, it’s a badger, this thing is going to tear me to pieces and at the same time it came all the way through the tiny hole where its head and arm would only fit a moment ago. Heart racing, in a panic I made a split second decision, if I was lucky enough I might be able to buy a couple of seconds of time to get away. My hand shot out, and I grabbed the badger by the scruff of the neck and flung it back over my shoulder, planning to run to the door and put it between the badger and myself. Just before I ran  I glanced back over my shoulder to see the last instant of the beasts flight, somehow it had rolled itself up again, and shrunk to about the size of a baseball and landed in a green 5 gallon bucket inside my garage. I thought to myself “He is going to be really pissed, I have to get out of here” That’s when my wife woke me up, only to find I had been dreaming.

The idea of Jesus is uncomfortable for a lot of people. So often we hear people say “Not my God” or “The Jesus I know wouldn’t do that”. We so often want to change the God of the bible into something softer and kinder then what he actually is.

We all know Jesus the dead man, all though I think we have heard the story so many times that it has lost much of its meaning.  I think we forget how extreme life was for Jesus on the day of his death. I am guessing that if his Skull existed on the earth today it would still carry the scars from the thorns that were driven into his head. The whips used to rip the flesh from his body deep enough to expose bone. The cross, carrying the cross through the streets while guards continued to beat him. After everything he went through that day I would almost think that death would be welcome.

Then there was Jesus the magic man. My wife hates it when I say that, but really to the unbeliever, what else would his miracles look like? I mean really, a little boy’s lunch feeds 5000? Jesus rubs bud in a blind man’s eyes and he can see? Rise Lazarus – Do you know why Jesus had to call Lazarus by name? Because he is so powerful that had he not specified Lazarus all of the dead would have risen (Borrowed from Bill Johnson). I imagine that in the end times it will be like that. Jesus will say Rise, and we will. In today’s world you will hear people say that these are just stories written a long time ago, to try and prove a point. They didn’t really happen. I say this is the faith of a man who is afraid to believe that was not created in his own mind.

Of course we have Jesus the angry man. So many times I hear people talk about God Love, and Gods grace that no matter how you are God will forgive you. Yes Gods love is in failing, and unyielding. We are covered in grace by the blood of Jesus. And yes, if you confess your sins and repent God will forgive you. Nowhere that I have seen on the bible does it day that God or Jesus will never become angry with your actions. As a matter of fact, the whole picture of God speaks otherwise. The bible paints a picture of God as a father, Passionate and Loving, willing to place he first and only blood son on earth to die at the hands of man for the salvation of his adopted children. Tell me he isn’t going to become angry and punish us for not following him. That’s one of ways a father raises his children.

These last three tie together so closely that it’s hard for me to pick apart. Jesus the punisher, Jesus the king, Jesus the warrior – I can go on for days about this, but really it’s not about what I have to say. READ REVELATIONS