Face to Face with a Badger

May 12, 2009 at 8:01 pm (Uncategorized)

Driving down an old dusty gravel road in a beat up pickup truck, I look out the driver side window to see two trees that seem to have grown together a few feet above the ground. Between the two trees is a door, attached to the trees themselves, as if they were grown to be the frame. As I was traveling quit fast down the road, I had to slam on my breaks and skidded for some distance before coming to a stop. I put the Pickup in reverse and backed up to the tree, parked and got out. I had to see what was on the other side of the door.

As I approached the tree I noticed a hole in the base of the tree on the left. As if a very large root had grown above ground and then been cut off to reveal a hollow tunnel into the tree. Large enough for a full grown man, like myself, to comfortably crawl into on all fours. I thought to myself “that’s a badger hole, better stay away” but found myself continuing to look inside of a second longer. At that same instant a badger came rolling around a bend in the tunnel. He was all rolled up like an armadillo or Sonic the Hedgehog, and really truly rolling at me, very fast, yet somehow I had time to run back to the truck and grab a bed pillow out of the back and run back to the tree. In that time the tunnel entrance had changed shape to more of a slit, a few inches wide and about two and a half feet tall. All though it did not appear so, I knew the badger could still fit through the hole, so I tried to block it up with the bed pillow. I thought to myself “that’s dumb, it’s a pillow that badger will just tear right through it”. But he didn’t, he instead was able to get his head and one arm through the gap above the pillow and he was MAD.  I was freaking out, it’s a badger, this thing is going to tear me to pieces and at the same time it came all the way through the tiny hole where its head and arm would only fit a moment ago. Heart racing, in a panic I made a split second decision, if I was lucky enough I might be able to buy a couple of seconds of time to get away. My hand shot out, and I grabbed the badger by the scruff of the neck and flung it back over my shoulder, planning to run to the door and put it between the badger and myself. Just before I ran  I glanced back over my shoulder to see the last instant of the beasts flight, somehow it had rolled itself up again, and shrunk to about the size of a baseball and landed in a green 5 gallon bucket inside my garage. I thought to myself “He is going to be really pissed, I have to get out of here” That’s when my wife woke me up, only to find I had been dreaming.


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